Cockeyed Optimist

When I first heard the term abundance mentality, my heart leapt with recognition.  I  wasn’t weird! 

Throughout my life, I’ve had this wacky idea that we are born with enough, if we just open up to it.  We’re supposed to be kind to each other & look for mutual cooperation & be as generous as possible with our time, energies & other resources (without seriously depleting our own).

That attitude has gotten me in more trouble than you may believe.

Back in my dating days, had a semi-significant other warn me that none of his friends trusted me because I was too upbeat.  Ultimately broke up with him via an audio cassette I’d made of music reminiscent of our time together – most was a mixture of blues, bagpipes, classic rock, jazz & a touch of folk, with the last bit  songs of ending & farewell.  The first song on the 90 minute cassette?  Mary Martin, singing,  “When the skies are brighter canary yellow, I forget ev'ry cloud I've ever seen, So they called me a cockeyed optimist - immature and incurably green.”

He was the first person to tell me I was too too.  Years later, working at Prudential for Pete Boericke, a fellow Swedenborgian, we were both occasionally  told, “You’re different,” noted in an “I don’t get you,” quietly uncomplimentary way. 

Point of Fact:  Human Resource departments throughout the Delaware Valley recognized that people raised and educated in my little hometown brought something different to the work world.  I’ve never been able to figure out what it was, but HR folks at Pru told me the same thing –  employees  from Bryn Athyn were more likely to go the extra mile, to bring an extra something to their job. 

Our coworkers couldn’t make heads nor tails of why Pete & I actually seemed to LIKE our work, seemed to get pleasure out of it.  Through the years, whenever anyone commented on being different, I followed Pete’s lead, waving them off with a laugh & protesting I wasn’t in the least bit different.    

And then there were the colleagues who’d say to me, “You’re too good to be true,” simply because I’d done something that required some extra thought or effort.  Like my former beau, they experienced nice as suspect.  It made people feel downright uneasy around me.

Then, at a farewell party for a departing exec (no one did special event parties like Prudential!), everything shifted. 

One of our marketing honchos brought me over to meet an Exec VP from Corporate.  She was easily the most stylish business woman I’ve ever seen, someone who looked totally professional yet different – not easy to do.  So, I was totally taken aback when she responded to our introduction with a fabulous smile, as she exclaimed, “You’re Elsa Murphy?  I’ve been longing to meet you.” 

Obviously, a Corp Exec VP wouldn’t know me, so I diplomatically said that she must be confusing me with Elizabeth Murphy.

”You’re Elsa Murphy, right?   You edit Brand Voice Bulletin,” she replied.

That was me.  I asked how she came to be familiar with the online newsletter, which was distributed regionally.

“Oh, someone makes sure I get it.  We all see it.  It’s wonderful!”

By this time, the room was spinning around me. 

In the mid 1990s, an online anything was rare within Prudential, whichever your business unit.  I’d been blessed to attend a couple internet communications conferences;  when a need came up to verify & distribute core information simply & flexibly, I created an online bulletin, using the steps I’d learned –  I kept it simple, created a non-cutsey title that reflected its use, bullet pointed the contents up front, used spare language, and documented everything.  

To me, it was a practical solution to a difficult situation, not an innovative milestone. 

She continued, “How ever did you come to do it?  And how ever did you get Prudential HealthCare to approve it?”

Again being as diplomatic as possible, I explained how by keeping it regional,  I’d circumvented needing approval from higher ups in at PHCS hq.

“But I’ve seen ones with information that don’t apply to your Central region,” she commented.

Well, that was true.  I gathered questions from around my region, but other regions could send me their own to research.  I got Corp Legal to sign off on any answers before I’d print them.  Being online, there were no limitations associated with a print publication ~and~ I could courtesy copy each of my counterparts.  If they chose to use it in part or all for their own region, that was their call. 

Can still, almost 20 years later, see the confused look on her face.

“Why did you take such a risk?” she asked.

That was an easy explanation. 

“Well,” I answered, “Obviously, someone had made a massively bad decision.  Because no one at PHCS hq wanted to be blamed for it, everyone stopped making any decisions.  The different regions were getting conflicting explanations about very important marketing matters that could leave us legally liable.  As I saw it, the company was at risk & no one was putting its needs first.  So, I decided to act like I’d already been fired, which freed me to what seemed best for the business entity.”

It seemed a simple explanation to me, but the Corp Exec VP looked visibly shaken.  She was quiet for a few moments before saying, with a huge smile, “You ARE a rebel.”  

With those four words, my world changed.

She was right – it was subversive & professionally dangerous.  Still, it never occurred to me that anything I’d done was unusual.  The company was at risk & I was the only one in a position to make a difference.  It was my job.  And, yeah – it was pretty rebellious.

After that brief encounter, when people would say to me, “You’re different,” instead of going into denial, I’d lean right into their personal space, look them straight in the eye, and say, “And you have NO idea just how different I am.”  When colleagues would say, “You’re too good to be true,” I’d do the same thing, this time saying, “And part of you believes that.”

Up until then, most of my colleagues would probably have described me as a  steady performer, reliable & relatively competent, nothing brilliant.  But after I started being bold in response to their comments about being different, about my niceness, things changed.  I changed, seeing that my core optimism IS radical compared to the world’s norm & embracing it as such.

The sorry fact is that an optimistic, open person is often found suspect.  There are few things more detrimental to how a person is perceived that not having an agenda when everyone around you does.  

Genuine optimism is rooted in abundance mentality, in believing that if you do what is right & treat other people well, things will work out.  There is more than enough for everyone, we can always make the best of our situations, however dire they might be.  Consider Viktor Frankl.  

I’ve lost a lot in my life because of my attitude – family & friends & opportunities – but I’d rather lose something because of others' discomfort with me than lose my sense of who I am.  

The bottom line is that there is plenty for all, but there is only one of us. 

I have heard people rant and rave and bellow
That we're done and we might as well be dead,
But I'm only a cockeyed optimist
And I can't get it into my head.

I hear the human race
Is fallin' on its face
And hasn't very far to go,
But ev'ry whippoorwill
Is sellin' me a bill,
And tellin' me it just ain't so.

I could say life is just a bowl of Jello
And appear more intelligent and smart,
But I'm stuck like a dope
With a thing called hope,
And I can't get it out of my heart!
Not this heart...

“Find out who you are, and do it on purpose.” 
― Dolly Parton